Between the Buttons
by Pjazz
Summary: Rory and Lane discuss bands to see in the afterlife.


**Between the Buttons**

**A Gilmore Girls fanfic**

**by Pjazz**

**2009**

_Note: Circa season three._

Rory steps off the bus in her Chilton uniform and heads into the town of Stars Hollow. Lane spots her from the other side of the street and crosses to meet her.

"Hey Rory, wait up!"

"Hey Lane. Is that a Ramones button?"

"Uh huh. It's reversible. This side it says 'Ramones. Rocket to Russia', while on the reverse 'Jesus Saves'.

"I'm guessing that's for your mom's benefit?"

"That's right. If she ever sees 'Ramones. Rocket to Russia' the noise you'll hear will be the earth opening up and swallowing me whole."

Rory nods. Lane's attempts to conceal her secret life from her mother had been ongoing since they first met.

"So how have you been? I'm sorry I haven't seen you lately but Chilton is like crazy at the moment."

"Paris, Madeline and Louise?"

"The three horsemen of the apocalypse."

"Aren't there four horsemen of the apocalypse?"

"Yeah, but I think Paris scared the fourth away."

"Things are good with me. I just downloaded a bootleg of Nico singing in a Paris nightclub circa 1978. She sounds so wasted I can practically hear her liver failing."

"Cool. Well, obviously not for Nico, but cool you downloaded it. So you've got broadband now?"

"Yup. The Kim household is finally connected to the information superhighway. Of course, momma mostly uses it to stream Christian tv broadcasts. It's weird how everyone has a southern accent."

"God's big business below the Mason-Dixon line. Like mint juleps. Or fried stuff with cheese."

"You realise with the rock muisc and illegal downloads I'm so going to Hell?"

"Look at it this way - Hell has all the cool bands."

"True. And when I'm done shoveling coal into the fiery furnaces I'm gonna be first in line for the Hendrix gig."

"Ooh - perhaps he'll jam with Keith Moon."

"Can't hardly wait."

"You suppose Britney'll go to Hell?"

"Sure, for crimes against music, fashion, lip-synching. It's a done deal."

"But then Hell won't have all the cool bands any more."

"That's true. It's quite the theological conundrum. Plus if Britney goes to Hell you just know Mama Cass and Janis Joplin are gonna gang up on her and steal her lunch money."

"Dead girls can be so cruel," Rory says with a smile. "Ooh - perhaps she'll go to Heaven. White is very slimming so she won't look so bloated all the time."

"And she can lip synch playing a harp."

"She'll fit right in."

Kirk approaches and they stop to chat.

Hey, Kirk."

"Lane. Rory. Lane, I wonder if I can ask your advice on something."

"Sure Kirk, what's on your mind?"

"It's my girlfriend's birthday soon. I want to get my girlfriend a present. I want to buy my girlfriend a CD, but I don't know what to buy for my girlfriend."

"Kirk, everyone knows you've got a girlfriend. You don't have to keep saying you've got a girlfriend."

"So everyone tells me. You like music, Lane. What CD do I buy?"

"What music does she like?"

"I don't know."

"Rap? Rock and roll? Heavy metal?"

"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know."

"Well, what CDs does she have in her house?"

"I've never been to her house."

"But you're been like dating for three months," Rory points out.

"It seeems impolite to break in."

"She hasn't invited you over?"

"She did hint at it."

"What did she say?"

"Kirk, would you like to come over to my house."

"Kirk, that's not a hint it's an invitation. You should go."

"Perhaps you're right."

"Buy her the Best of the Replacements," Lane advises. "It basically covers every genre. Thrash metal, punk, post-punk, alternate pop, power pop, folk, indierock, classic rock, ballad, power ballad and cheesy comeback single. There's bound to be something she likes."

"Okay. Thanks, Lane. Bye, Rory."

"Bye, Kirk."

Kirk departs.

"Weird guy. But hopefully not 'I've got a gun and you're all gonna die' weird."

They turn a corner. Rory sees Mrs Kim walking towards them.

"Lane, your mom!"

"Oh God!" Lane turns her back and tries to reverse her Ramones button.

"Hurry!"

"I'm trying. Ouch! Ouch!"

"What?"

"I stabbed myself with the pin. Okay, in quite a lot of pain here. And I'm bleeding."

"Suck it up, soldier. Here she comes. Hello, Mrs Kim."

"Rory. Lane."

"Hi, momma."

"Lane, what's that on your blouse?"

"It's a button, momma. It says 'Jesus Saves'. It does say that, right?" Lane asks Rory in a panic.

Rory nods her head vigorously.

"Not that," Mrs Kim insists. "The red stain on your blouse."

"Oh. Ah...Ah..."

"It's donut jelly!" Rory blurts out.

"Donut jelly?"

"Yes. Lane and I were in Lukes and I treated her to a donut which unfortunately squirted jelly. It was a whole donut jelly squirting kerfuffle. Or do I mean imbroglio?"

"I see. Donuts are sinful," Mrs Kim pronounces.

"They are?"

"Very sinful. I will go and pray for your soul. Both your souls."

Mrs Kim departs.

"Thank you, momma."

"Yeah, thank you, Mrs Kim."

"That was quick thinking, Rory. Thanks. I just a drew a blank."

"You're welcome."

"You realise you're going straight to Hell?"

"Save me a spot in the Hendrix queue."

**-000-**

**Again, a fairly simple scene that tries to emulate the banter.**

**The Replacements CD really is that eclectic, shame there's no '**_**Sixteen Blue' **_**tho.**


End file.
